Even worse than Death
by noodlecide
Summary: Submission for the Fairy Cakes and Fiction Awards 2009 contest. Kid's thoughts after being in the Book of Eibon and now in a worse state. One-sided Kid/Black Star.


**My Submission for the Fairy Cakes and Fiction Awards 2009 contest :3**

**Author:** noodlecide... Who else would it be?

**Category:** Um... Angst/Romance.

**Summary:** Kid's thoughts after being trapped in the Book of Eibon, and now in a worse state.

Disclaimer: Well… if I owned Soul Eater, it wouldn't be Japanese… and I wouldn't have submitted for the contest. Duh.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Fuck you Eibon.

You just had to make a book so powerful that Noah had been able to trap me inside it as part of his "collection."

At least you could've made it symmetrical. Just thinking about that experience again makes me feel like throwing up and exploding from frustration. And yet you managed to have close relations to Chichue.

Sure, BREW might have let me survive from my battle with Mosquito, but the demon tool had made me even more attractive as a "collection item" for Noah. After finding out that a lot of his "collection" involved underage people, I'm really suspecting that he's either:

A: a pedophile or

B: has Peter Pan syndrome.

It might be both.

I couldn't do _anything_ inside the book, besides hearing what Noah and his henchmen were up to. Killing Maka and collecting anything of value to him. Stuck in a place where you can learn anything and everything about the world, and yet not being able to do anything, must be one of the worst mental tortures.

Everything else still alive and trapped in the book was either depressed and wanting to die, or has gone insane. It shocked me, when I saw what was left of Crona, being raped by an insane Ragnarok who had nothing else to do. Her eyes looked lost, betrayed, yet wild. I heard her forced laughing, and the tone of insanity was easy to notice. She looked worse than she was with Medusa, and yet the book was supposed to be the source of the wisdom of the universe.

Pathetic.

I once looked up toward the book, wondering about what secrets it hold and if I can find who my mother was, along with several other things. The thought seems so stupid and foolish now, I can't believe it. Now it seemed more like a thought that Black Star would think of.

Oh, Black Star.

I had planned to tell you, after the invasion of Arachnophobia was done and over with, I would confess… confess my love towards you. Sure, you may be one of the most idiotic, asymmetrical, egoistic, pathetic, attention-seeking brat I have ever met -next to Excalibur, that is- and I think because of that, I had become more attracted to you.

I feel so empty now. So empty. It feels as if… bits and pieces of my soul are tattering away from me, ever since Noah tried to… No, I can't let myself think that. I just can't. It'd be too much. I can't afford to lose my sanity like the others. But, even if I don't, what is there to do? I've become like a trail of thought, passing by quickly with no affect. I'm not sure if I'm remembered anymore, it seems that Chichue has not done anything yet, nor has anyone else. Am I really that useless when it comes to… the true me? Is all the attention I got in Shibusen and elsewhere in the world happen just because… I'm the son of the Shinigami? A tool for others to try and use?

Even so, wouldn't someone try to rescue me to use me once again?

But now, it does not matter. For now, without control of my body, I find myself with bloodied hands, and in front of me was the one I wished to be with the most when I was tortured.

The silent, lifeless body of Black Star.

He, the only one… who tried to get me back. I'm sorry, Black Star. Please, don't die with the thought that it was me who had backstabbed you at a time where help was of dire importance. And now, because of this sin that my body has committed, it is covered in your precious blood. The only hope of giving the Star Clan a good name, and for me to become not the son of a shinigami, but Kid.

Oh, I wish to join him so bad…

So, so bad…

Now I am trapped in an even worse torture than from being inside he book. For the body that has killed you, Black Star, is no more in my possession. But of Noah, which forces me to watch all he does, with my body acting as a shield, and I cannot do anything about it.

888 curses to you, Noah! You shall pay for disrupting the domain of gods, and killing the love of one of them.


End file.
